Bondage for Sex

Class Outline

1. Welcome to Bondage for Sex

Thank you for coming today

2. Introductions

MC introduces themselves, with pronouns
Instructors introduce themselves, with pronouns

3. What are we covering today?

We’re gonna look at how to use bondage to make your sex better
What is sex? That’s up to you, but think broadly

Class is organized in 3 modules

Module 1: frictions and futos

About frictions, especially the Munter
Futomomo

Module 2: sexy times

We are in fact gonna talk about naughty bits in this class
Crotch rope, dildo harness, vibrator harness

Module 3: positions

Somerville bowline: great column tie, but tricky
Crab position
Piledriver position

Important thing about sex and bondage: it should be, well, sexy
Right before each practice session, we’ll talk a bit about bringing the sexy

4. How does the class work?

This class is equally for bottoms and tops

Bottoms are full partners and have as much to learn as tops

The class is divided into 3 modules

Each module has a technical skill and application of that skill

Each module begins with lecture and demo

One technical skill and one core kink skill
During lecture, focus on learning “why”

Each module ends with pod time

We’ll break into small groups to practice
This is the time to ask questions, get help with accommodations
During this phase, focus on learning “how”

There are no formal breaks: do self care during pods
Pods are also a great time for adaptations for bodies & play styles

5. Before we jump in, some logistics

Point out bathrooms, water, exits
Wear what you like, but keep bottom bits covered

6. Consent!

It’s the first thing in your handouts because it’s the most important thing
We’ll talk about it a lot, starting now:

  • Ask before touching
  • We’ll ask before touching, it’s OK to say no (we can still help)
  • No photos, no phones: step outside if you have to use yours
  • We’ll model some negotiation, but prior negotiation has also occurred
  • We’re professionals: we won’t hit on you, please don’t hit on us

1.1    Stretching

12:10 - 12:20

1. Qualifications?

What are my qualifications to teach this?
Thank Shay for her book
If you have injuries or health issues, consult a professional

2. Why warm up?

Bondage often involves being in same position for long time
Warming up increases blood flow to the heart, muscles, and joints
Which raises temperature of the area and increases oxygen availability
Seems to improve the natural stretch and flexibility of muscles and joints
May decrease the risk of injury.

3. What about stretching?

Only stretching right before exercise won’t increase flexibility
Stretching consistently over time can increase flexibility

  • Can be helpful for bondage

Stretching should always happen after you are already warmed up

4. What about strengthening?

Also a good idea!
Particularly if you’re going to do suspension
Strong muscles help stabilize and protect joints
Can help you maintain a position for longer periods of time

5. Warm up first!

This should always be the first step.
Make sure you warm up the hips, shoulders, and spine.
Use an activity you already do and know your body tolerates:

  • Walking or jogging
  • Sun salutations (yoga) done at a fast enough pace to be a warm up
  • Jumping jacks or jumping rope
  • Dancing

Goal: You want to be physically warm!
10 minutes of warm up is often enough

6. Stretches

With running and most other sports:

  • Stretching before exercise can increase the risk of injury

But in bondage-like activities:

  • Some stretching after you warm up may reduce the risk of injury

Some stretches can be turned into a warm up

Move in and out of the stretch repeatedly in a controlled way:

  • Spine: Cat/cow
  • Shoulders: rotation, tea cups. But only if you have tried already and know they don’t hurt your shoulders
  • Hips: ???

7. Final word - Cramps

If you get a cramp, pulse (tighten and relax) the muscle to see if that helps
Always take off the rope if you need to!

1.2    Intro to futomomo

12:20 - 12:30

1. Let’s start with the futomomo

What is it? Tie that binds the leg closed

Why do we like it?

  • Very immobilizing
  • Protects the knee (talk about bad ways to pull ankles)
  • Lets us pull the legs open

Great for many kinds of sex:

  • Oral
  • Finger banging
  • Using toys

But generally not great for penetrative sex

There are many versions of the futo

Your handouts have two:

  • Fusion-style ladder futo that we aren’t gonna spend much time on
  • Japanese-inspired spiral futo: that’s our focus today

Why would you pick one over the other?

  • You prefer the way one feels
  • Speed
  • Security
  • Aesthetic
  • Flow

We're gonna focus on the spiral futo, but will look at both
Along the way, we'll learn some fundamental bondage principles

2. Let’s tie the ladder futo

  1. Column tie around ankle
  2. Lower wraps, finished with a half hitch
  3. Up to knee, make ladder rung and upper wrap
  4. Down under leg, up to outside of knee
  5. Finish with a half hitch

Some elements that are present in almost all futos:

  • Lower wraps keep the leg from opening
  • Column tie keeps the lower wraps from sliding up
  • Upper wraps give you leverage on the knee
  • Pass under the leg keeps upper wraps from falling off

The hardest part is keeping the upper wraps from popping off

  • Start with good tension and maintain it throughout
  • Don’t get too close to the knee
  • It’s hard at first but gets easier with practice

3. How do we feel about this futo?

Very orderly, very secure
Somewhat fiddly
Not very flowy
Can use a ton of rope

4. So… extending rope

Sometimes when you’re doing a big pattern tie you run out of rope
Often the easiest solution is to extend rope

We’ll teach this in pods: just get the general gist of it now
Demo and explain the procedure

1.3    Munter and other frictions

12:30 - 12:35

1. Now let’s look at the spiral futo

This is going to be our main focus today
We’ll spend time learning it in detail in pods
The ladder futo is in your handouts—can do it during final practice

Spiral futo is a Japanese-inspired tie
As we go, think about how this uses different techniques to achieve same goal

2. First a quick run-through

  1. Column tie around the ankle
    Serves the same purpose as before

  2. Spiral up around leg
    Much more ad-hoc and connective

  3. Go around once more and do a thing
    We’ll come back to this shortly

  4. Now straight down

  5. Between the thigh and calf

  6. Up the other side

  7. Finish with a half hitch

So this is pretty cool—fun, fast, and connective to tie
But it’s not very stable
Too many places where the rope can slide around
We need a way to add friction to all of these crossings

3. What is a friction?

Frictions are a staple of Japanese-inspired bondage
Any time two ropes meet, you can do a knot or you can do a friction
What’s the difference?

Demo Munter vs half hitch

Run line between 2 people
Run intersecting line

  1. Over
  2. Double back
  3. Cross over standing part

4a: Go back through loop

  • This is a half hitch
  • It’s a knot
  • Key point: we threaded through an opening

4b: Go back under cross rope

  • This is a Munter
  • It’s a friction
  • Key point: we never threaded, only made big wraps

2 kinds of frictions

Crossing friction: connects a line to a cross line
Binding friction: binds two crossed lines together

4. Crossing frictions

Today we’re focusing on crossing frictions
Let’s start with our demo position again
Go over cross

  1. Under cross: reverse tension
  2. Over standing, slight bend: goldfish
  3. 90° bend: half hitch join
  4. Under cross: Munter friction
  5. Over cross: Munter hitch
  6. Under standing: Super Munter join
  7. Over cross: Super Munter friction
  8. Back under cross: Super Munter hitch

We’ve made a ton of frictions, but always wrapped, never threaded

5. The Munter

The most commonly used crossing friction is the Munter

  • Called nodome in Japanese

We’re gonna use a ton of these in the spiral futo
Let’s take another look

  1. Over cross
  2. Under cross
  3. Over standing
  4. Under cross

Every time we cross over another line, we’re gonna tie a Munter

Open vs closed Munter

There’s one subtlety we should talk about
When we double back, we can go on the left or the right
Does it matter?
If we’re going straight across, it doesn’t matter

But if we’re exiting at an angle, it does matter
Closed Munter: exit angle pulls the Munter together & binds it
Open Munter: exit angle pulls the Munter apart & weakens it

Simple rule: double back on the side you’re going to exit on

1.4    Spiral futo

12:35 - 12:45

1. Let’s tie the spiral futo

1. Column tie around the ankle

You’ll probably need a 30' rope
A single wrap is fine and will save you some rope
Snug but not tight
This is gonna keep the lower wraps from sliding up the leg

2. 3 Spiral wraps up the leg

Evenly spaced
Even, fairly snug tension
On the first wrap, pull the leg closed
Closer to the knee: more effective, but more likely to slip off

3. First Munter

Make a final flat wrap around the top
Munter when you meet the final spiral
Because we’re exiting at 90°, open/closed isn’t an issue

4. Two more Munters

Go the same way each time for symmetry
Stay over the crease: more comfortable, easier to reach
Keep the line snug, but don’t distort the wraps

5. Go between thigh and calf

Add a final diagonal wrap to the last Munter
Prevents unwinding the Munter
Make sure not to leave any slack

6. Munter up the other side

Go the same way each time for symmetry

7. Finish

Munter on the top wrap
Keeps the top wrap from falling off
Finish with a half hitch around top wrap

8. Extra rope?

Grapevine down vertical
Go all the way back up the other side

1.5    Connection in tying

12:45 - 12:50

1. Connection in tying

Physical body connection
Breathing in sync
Breathing manipulation / hand on chest
Talking while you tie / dirty talk
Whispering in ear
Eye contact

2. Bottom’s response / reaction

Give physical feedback / noises
Maintain physical connection without disrupting rope
Talk and engage
Be focused on the experience (if you’re into that sort of thing)
Energy exchange

From top perspective, lack of bottom focus can be discouraging

1.6    Pod

12:50 - 1:10

1. 1. Extending rope

Demo rope extension and walk people through it

2. 2. Munter friction

Practice by tying a line between your legs, right above the knee
Tie a second line around your waist and use it for the Munter

  1. Go over the green line

  2. Come back under the green line

  3. Cross over the standing part

  4. Go under the green line again

Open vs closed Munters

Tie a Munter and show how the exit angle makes it open or closed
Entry angle is relatively unimportant

3. 3. Spiral futo

  1. Column tie around ankle

  2. Spiral wrap around thigh (partner: outside, solo: inside)

  3. Two more spiral wraps up leg

  4. Make a final flat wrap around knee

  5. First Munter (align with crease)

  6. Second Munter

  7. Third Munter (prep for twisting in step 8)

  8. Go between thigh and calf.

  9. First Munter on the inside (or outside)

  10. Two more Munters going up the leg

  11. Add a half hitch to the final Munter

2.1    Talking About Sex

1:10 - 1:20

1. Let's talk about sex, baby

Talking about sex is hard
Most of us have internalized prudishness or shame
Shame can be part of the fun/dynamic, shouldn't be the starting point
We also worry about offending others and feel more shame in front of others
If can't talk about sex, can't get or give consent, much less make it fun

2. Finding words

Many lack the basic language/terms to discuss what we want
Watching porn gives ideas, but not language

  • Reading erotica (Herotica series, Bending)
  • Good Vibrations erotica collection
  • Fetlife kink list
  • 50 Shades of Grey is not ideal

3. Learning to talk about it

Just knowing the words isn't enough

  • Write (chat, email)
  • Checklists (handout, tons online, Fetlife kink list)
  • Practice saying them out loud (we'll get to that)
  • Read erotica out loud to yourself or to your partner

4. Exercise

Ultimate goal is to be able to discuss it out loud with your partners

Part 1 - talking to yourself

Think of a word or phrase you're not comfortable saying out loud
(Examples, penis, vagina, cock, cunt, rimming, blow job, strap-ons)
Say it in your head 10 or 20 times
Now cover your mouth and whisper it into your hands 10 or 20 times

When you go home tonight, practice saying it out loud.
Then stand in front of a mirror and say it out loud to yourself.
Put it in a sentence.

Make a list of 10 or 20 words or phrases and go through the same process

5. Part 2 - talking to your partner

Let your partner know you want to share some words with them
Let them know that you like these words, but are uncomfortable with them
Concerned will make them uncomfortable too
Set aside nonjudgemental time/space to share words

If still uncomfortable saying things out loud to them, sit back-to-back and say things out loud to them.
Start with just words.
Work up to putting words into a request.

Alternative- start with email or other written form

2.2    Crotch rope etc.

1:20 - 1:30

1. Let’s talk about crotches

Sex doesn’t always involve crotches, but it often does
We’re gonna look at three options:

  • Basic crotch rope
  • Dildo harness
  • Vibrator harness

2. Crotch rope

What is it? Just a rope that goes through the crotch
Why? Because it feels good, especially for many people with vulvas

1. Tie a column tie around the waist

Fairly snug
We often start in back, but can start in front also
Through the crotch, going over or around as you prefer

2. Tie off at the waist

Again, probably fairly snug

Options

Add happy knots

Don’t tie it off: hold the rope or tie to a hardpoint

  • Gives bottom ability to grind in pleasing ways

3. Dildo harness

Why add a dildo? If you don’t have a bio cock, obvs.
Here are some reasons Tornus has used a dildo:

  • My cock was too big to go somewhere
  • My cock was too small
  • My cock wasn’t hard
  • Poly rules around STI exposure
  • Wanted to fuck both holes at once
  • Pleasingly naughty to make someone suck a dildo

Procedure

  1. Tie a column tie around the waist, knot in back
    Pro tip: tie in front and rotate around to back
    Snugness is important for this one

  2. Through crotch up around waist line

  3. Spiral down to dildo height, add dildo
    Pro tip: put the condom on first!
    If you have a bio cock: maybe right above it
    If you don’t: maybe a little lower, nicely on the pubic mound

  4. Square knot underneath dildo

  5. Tie off one end in back

  6. Tie off other end

Quick digression: how to thrust, if you aren’t used to having a cock

4. Vibrator harness

Why a vibrator harness?
Silly question, but especially great for:

  • Solo play
  • Forced orgasms
  • Hands free to do other things

We’ve done a ton of research on this and we finally have a really good one

Procedure

  1. Make an overhand to capture the head
    Loop plus knot should be about the length of neck plus head
    This is the key part: getting a secure grip on the head

  2. Slip rope over neck
    Secure with a square knot in back

  3. Place vibrator
    Make sure controls are accessible
    Split ends and pass between legs, around hips
    Come through loop in front of vibrator
    You need three hands for this part
    No wedgie!

  4. Around back and to front again
    No knots in back
    Remember: tension is key

  5. Cross over and reverse tension

  6. Square knot

Option: tie body to leg
Depending on position, you may find you get better vibrations
Ladder works pretty well here

2.3    Washing rope

1:30 - 1:35

1. Washing rope

Now that we’ve done all that sexy stuff, how’s our rope doing?

Especially if you’re doing sexy bondage, your rope will likely get dirty
Washing is probably more about grossness than disease
But grossness matters

Consider having a dedicated crotch rope for each person

2. What type of rope?

Jute is delicate: don’t wash it
Hemp washes well but will fade and needs extra work
Synthetic is the easiest to wash, usually colorfast

3. Washing process

Washing machine works best
Put it in a lingerie bag with a small amount of detergent
Expect hemp to bleed color

Drying

Hang rope to dry to avoid tangles & fire hazard

Synthetic is good to go once it’s dry

Hemp needs to be bone dry before storage
You’ll need to oil it to restore the supplness and softness

  • Mineral oil won’t go rancid
  • Just a tiny bit: a dime-sized patch for 15'

2.4    Headspace

1:35 - 1:40

1. Creating headspace(s)

Talk about headspace during negotiation

Make them feel small with your body
Exposure / shame / exhibitionism
What makes them feel sexy?
What part of their body do they want highlighted?
(Gender affirming ties)
Power of the dildo

2.5    Pod

1:40 - 2:00

1. We’re gonna do some crotch rope now

Not comfortable doing crotch rope in class?
That’s totally fine—maybe work on the ladder futo?

2. Basic crotch rope

Single column around waist, tied in back
Come between the legs and finish with a half hitch
Options: split around genitals or don’t
Options: add happy knots

3. Dildo harness

Tension is critical in this tie.

  1. Column tie around waist, knot in back

  2. Between legs, go under waist rope but don’t tie off

  3. Sword hilt down center line, insert dildo

  4. Square knot under dildo

  5. Pass one line around hip, tie off to vertical line (hishi)

  6. Tie off the other line.

4. Vibrator harness

Again: tension is critical here

  1. Overhand loop in rope (same length as vibrator head)

  2. Slip over head, secure with square knot

  3. Place (controls in front)
    Between legs, split ends, around hip, go through loop

  4. Reverse tension, go all the way around the waist

  5. Cross lines over each other, reverse tension

  6. Finish with a square knot

3.1    Somerville Bowline

2:00 - 2:10

1. What is it?

It’s one of many column ties
Developed by Topologist
We think it’s the best of the lot, although it’s tricky to tie

  • We have some tips

What’s great about it?

  • Fast to tie
  • Secure and reliable
  • Doesn’t need a bight
  • Can use both ends of the rope
  • Don’t have to pull rope through even once

2. First, the super important secret to tying it

It’s a hard tie and lots of people get confused tying it
Most often, people are confused about orientation

Polite mouse fingers

Two finger point: theme park workers are trained to point this way
More polite than single finger pointing
Make polite mouse fingers and place them on your partner
Then tie over them
Always tie the exact same way

3. Process

  1. Place polite mouse fingers

  2. Wrap twice around column, leaving 8" of bight
    From base of finger to tip
    Over middle finger, then index finger

  3. Wrap standing part ccw around bight, making X shape
    Grab with thumb

  4. Flip bight over X

  5. Under wraps and up through loop

  6. Pull it snug

4. Two column version

There is a robust two column version
Can safely use both ends of the rope
Nicely separates the columns

We aren’t gonna teach it in detail, but it’s in your handouts
Happy to teach it during pods

Quick demo

We’re gonna walk through it quickly and demo the one key step

Full walkthrough, highlighting the extra final turn

5. How to practice it

Lots of people have trouble with single wrap version: work on that
Work on picking and maintaining different levels of snugness

3.2    Crab and piledriver

2:10 - 2:20

1. Intro to crab

Crab is our favorite position for all kinds of sex
We love it so much, we teach an hour and a half class just on crab
Works way better than spread eagle

What’s so great about it?

  • Super versatile
  • Accomodates just about any body
  • Great access to the naughty bits

So, what is crab?

  • Demo basic position: face up, hands inside

2. Position

Two ways to do crab:

Face up

  • Usually more comfortable
  • Super exposed
  • Not very restraining unless you tie it off

Face down

  • More intense / less comfortable (could be good or bad)
  • More more immobilizing
  • Can be tough on neck / hard to breathe

3. Hand positions

So many options!
Two general principles:

  • Tie forearms to lower legs, not wrists to ankles
  • Consider grabbing the feet with your hands

Option 1: hands inside

  • Exposed and fairly comfortable

Option 2: hands outside

  • Often more comfortable, less exposed
  • Often better for face down

Option 3: locking arm under knee

  • Our favorite
  • Comfortable, secure, and exposed

4. Hand positions, continued

Option 4: lash forearm to thigh

  • More comfortable, easier for limited mobility
  • Ask us to show you the square lashing

Option 5: ladder the forearm to the calf

  • Watch out for common peroneal nerve (below knee on outside)
  • Watch out for ulnar nerve (funny bone, right above elbow)

5. Making it more secure

Tie it off!

Add bamboo or spreader bar

6. Happy baby

Based on happy baby pose in yoga
Some people love this, some find it awkward and ineffective
Can do it on its own or combine with forearm to lower leg ties

  1. Put a column tie around each thigh, right above knee
    Best to tie this sitting up

  2. Connect the column ties and pull tight

  3. Roll onto back

7. About the piledriver

Simple position, but quite helpless
Legs are together, so less genital access
Still very fuckable, great for ass play
Very deep penetration (can be a pro or a con)

8. Basic technique

Lying on back
Column tie ankles
Raise legs in air
Like this, it’s fun but not very immobilizing

Option 1: tie it off

Legs: to headboard or hardpoint
Arms: to headboard or sides of bed

Option 2: leg ladders

Somewhat more immobilizing
Feels more restrictive

Option 3: chest harness

Add a chest harness (knots in front for comfort)
Tie thighs to chest harness

3.3    Pacing

2:20 - 2:25

1. Pacing

Deliberate movement / don’t be rushed
Pause to play
Let them stew in it
Slow and sensual movements and rope pulls
Rope across the body

3.4    Pod

2:25 - 2:55

1. 1. Somerville bowline

Polite mouse fingers! Always tie the exact same way.

  1. Place polite mouse fingers

  2. 2 wraps, moving away from hand, exiting over index finger

  • Secure with your thumb
  1. Make a CCW loop in standing part around bight
  • Point out the X at the base of the loop
  • Secure with your thumb
  1. Flip bight over the X

  2. Pass bight under wraps and UP through the loop

  3. Pull on bight and standing part simultaneously to finish

2. What now?

Teach the 2 column Somerville to people who are interested in that

Otherwise:

  • Crab
  • Piledriver
  • Review material from earlier
  • Ladder-style futo

4.1    Conclusion

2:55 - 3:00

1. Thank you for coming

We had a great time—we hope you did also.
What next?

2. About Full Circle Kink

We’re a professional, values-driven kink organization
We think kink should be super fun, and also super ethical
That goes double for kink instruction

We have tons of great stuff on our website

  • Upcoming classes
  • Free handouts
  • Detailed tutorials for this class and lots more

3. Our next class

What / when / where?
What’s it about?
What makes it cool?

4. Wrapping up

Individual instructors pimp their events & classes

Thank our hosts
Invite hosts to talk about themselves / their events

Go out in the world and have fun!

© COPYRIGHT 2018-2022 FULL CIRCLE KINK LLC
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© COPYRIGHT 2018-2022 FULL CIRCLE KINK LLC