Bondage for Sex

Class Outline

1. Welcome to Bondage for Sex

Thank you for coming today

2. Introductions

MC introduces themselves, with pronouns
Instructors introduce themselves, with pronouns

3. What are we covering today?

Whatever kind of sex you like, bondage can make it better

Bondage for sex should be sexy and connective
Building sexy connection will be a focus throughout this class
Technical connection: rope handling skills
Emotional connection: techniques for intimacy

Module 1: spiral futomomo

Spiral wrap technique: useful and great for skill-building
About frictions, especially the Munter
Spiral futomomo

Module 2: sexy times

We are in fact gonna talk about naughty bits in this class
Crotch rope, dildo harness, vibrator harness

Module 3: tying for connection

Piledriver position
One rope connection and rope handling exercise

4. How does the class work?

This class is equally for bottoms and tops

Bottoms are full partners and have as much to learn as tops

The class is divided into 3 modules

Each module has a technical skill and application of that skill

Each module begins with lecture and demo

Learn core skills
Get an overview of technical skills
See how it all comes together in a scene
During lecture, focus on learning “why”

Each module ends with pod time

We’ll break into small groups to practice
This is the time to ask questions, get help with accommodations
During this phase, focus on learning “how”

There are no formal breaks: do self care during pods
Pods are also a great time for adaptations for bodies & play styles

5. Before we jump in, some logistics

Point out bathrooms, water, exits
Wear what you like, but keep bottom bits covered

6. Single students

If you didn’t come together, don’t tie together
We have appropriate content for singles in each pod

7. Consent!

It’s the first thing in your handouts because it’s the most important thing
We’ll talk about it a lot, starting now:

  • Ask before touching
  • We’ll ask before touching, it’s OK to say no (we can still help)
  • No photos, no phones: step outside if you have to use yours
  • We’ll model some negotiation, but prior negotiation has also occurred
  • We’re professionals: we won’t hit on you, please don’t hit on us

1.1    Spiral Wrap Technique

12:10 - 12:20

1. Demo 1: a simple spiral

You should extend rope during the demo
Mention in it passing, but don’t go into details (we’ll do it in pods)

Single column tie around one leg, right below the crotch
Spiral up around torso, binding arms to torso
Go over one shoulder and spiral down
We did a bondage!

It’s very adaptable, but not very secure
We need to lock the crossings together

2. Demo 2: now with Munter frictions

Don’t teach the Munter yet: that’s coming up next
Repeat the demo, but Munter at each crossing
Now it’s much more secure

1.2    Munter Friction

12:20 - 12:25

1. What is the Munter friction?

Commonly used building block
People sometimes call it a nodome

2. Demo

Tie a tight column tie around chest / waist, knot in back
Attach a different color of rope in back, come over shoulder

  1. Cross over
  2. Double back underneath
  3. Cross over standing part
  4. Go back under static rope

We call this a friction

In general, frictions wrap around without threading through a hole
Knots generally involve threading through a hole

3. Open vs closed Munter

There’s one subtlety we should talk about
When we double back, we can go on the left or the right
Does it matter?
If we’re going straight across, it doesn’t matter

Set up the demo position again and build a Munter
But if we’re exiting at an angle, it does matter
Closed Munter: exit angle pulls the Munter together & binds it
Open Munter: exit angle pulls the Munter apart & weakens it

Simple rule: double back on the side you’re going to exit on

1.3    Spiral Futomomo

12:25 - 12:35

1. What is the futomomo?

It’s a way to bind the upper & lower parts of the leg together
Great for immobilization, opening legs, genital access
Generally not great for penetrative sex

Sometimes called a frog leg or frog tie

2. Column tie around the ankle

We need to start with an anchor—the ankle is the best choice
Snug but not tight

3. 3 Spiral wraps up the leg

On the first wrap, gently push the leg closed
Tying a partner? Begin on the outside. Solo? Begin on the inside
Tension should be even and fairly snug

Wraps should be evenly spaced and go 2/3 of the way up the leg
Closer to the knee: more effective, but more likely to slip off

4. Munter down the crease

Make a final flat wrap around the top, intersecting the top spiral
Make a series of Munters down the crease
Because we’re exiting at 90°, open/closed isn’t an issue
Go the same way each time for symmetry
Keep the line snug, but don’t distort the wraps

5. Go between thigh and calf

Make a 90° bend at the bottom wrap, go between thigh and calf
Works better if you don’t do a Munter here
Make sure to get rid of any slack
Make a 90° bend at the bottom wrap on the far side

6. Munter up the other side

Go the same way each time for symmetry

7. Finish

Munter on the top wrap
Keeps the top wrap from falling off
Finish with a half hitch around top wrap

1.4    Rope Handling

12:35 - 12:45

1. Why do we care about rope handling?

Poor rope handling is awkward and distracting
Good rope handling is fast, graceful, connective
Being in control of your rope is sexy and connective

For each technique, demo wrong way & right way
Bottom discusses why the right way feels better

2. Painting rope

Wrong way: standing back, winding rope around partner

Right way: close up, painting the rope on

  • Grip between thumb and finger
  • Always in contact

3. Finger hooking

Wrong way: pushing and grabbing

Right way: finger hooking like a crochet hook

  • We’ll show you the details in pod

4. Use your full wingspan when pulling

Wrong way: lots of small pulls

Right way: use your full wingspan

  • Step back if you need a little extra pull
  • Direct the rope as you pull: most efficient angle
  • Control the ends as you pull

5. Milk the rope

Wrong way: fussing to find the correct strands to pull

Right way: milking all four strands

  • Especially useful in tight spaces

6. Clear the rope

Wrong way: getting tangled on your partner

Right way: throwing the rope where it needs to go

1.5    Pod

12:45 - 1:05

1. Extending rope

Teach the square knot rope extension technique

2. Munter friction

Tie a tight column tie around your waist, knot in back
Line comes over shoulder and Munters to the waist rope

  1. Go over the static rope
  2. Come back under the static rope
  3. Cross over the standing part
  4. Go under the static rope again

Open vs closed Munters

With a Munter in place, show how the exit angle makes it open or closed

3. Finger hooking (demo with Munter)

Slide finger where rope will go, nail down
Slide rope under finger
Rotate finger, grab rope, pull it through

4. Spiral futomomo

  1. Column tie around ankle
  2. Spiral wrap around thigh
    If tying a partner: start on outside, otherwise inside
  3. Two more spiral wraps up leg
  4. Make a final flat wrap around knee, crossing at the crease
  5. First Munter (align with crease)
  6. Munter down the crease
  7. Go under the bottom wrap, between thigh and calf
    No Munter on the bottom wrap
  8. Bend around first wrap, start going up
    No Munter on the bottom wrap
  9. Munter all the way up
  10. Finish with a half hitch

5. Before open practice, remind students about rope handling

Painting rope, finger hooking, use your full wingspan
Milk the rope, clearing rope

6. Single students

All of these exercises are appropriate for single students
With the futomomo, it’s a little easier to start on the inside of the leg

2.1    Talking About Sex

1:05 - 1:15

1. Let's talk about sex, baby

Talking about sex is hard
Most of us have internalized prudishness or shame
Shame can be part of the fun/dynamic, shouldn't be the starting point
We also worry about offending others and feel more shame in front of others
If can't talk about sex, can't get or give consent, much less make it fun

2. Finding words

Many lack the basic language/terms to discuss what we want
Watching porn gives ideas, but not language

  • Reading erotica (Herotica series, Bending)
  • Good Vibrations erotica collection
  • Fetlife kink list
  • 50 Shades of Grey is not ideal

3. Learning to talk about it

Just knowing the words isn't enough

  • Write (chat, email)
  • Checklists (handout, tons online, Fetlife kink list)
  • Practice saying them out loud (we'll get to that)
  • Read erotica out loud to yourself or to your partner

4. Exercise

Ultimate goal is to be able to discuss it out loud with your partners

Part 1 - talking to yourself

Think of a word or phrase you're not comfortable saying out loud
(Examples, penis, vagina, cock, cunt, rimming, blow job, strap-ons)
Say it in your head 10 or 20 times
Now cover your mouth and whisper it into your hands 10 or 20 times

When you go home tonight, practice saying it out loud.
Then stand in front of a mirror and say it out loud to yourself.
Put it in a sentence.

Make a list of 10 or 20 words or phrases and go through the same process

5. Part 2 - talking to your partner

Let your partner know you want to share some words with them
Let them know that you like these words, but are uncomfortable with them
Concerned will make them uncomfortable too
Set aside nonjudgemental time/space to share words

If still uncomfortable saying things out loud to them, sit back-to-back and say things out loud to them.
Start with just words.
Work up to putting words into a request.

Alternative- start with email or other written form

2.2    Crotch Rope

1:15 - 1:20

1. Let’s talk about crotches

Sex doesn’t always involve crotches, but it often does
We’re gonna look at three options:

  • Basic crotch rope
  • Dildo harness
  • Vibrator harness

2. Crotch rope

What is it? Just a rope that goes through the crotch
Why? Because it feels good, especially for many people with vulvas

1. Tie a column tie around the waist

Fairly snug
We often start in back, but can start in front also

2. Go through the crotch

Options for genitals:

  1. Go over (preferred by many people with internal genitals)
  2. Go around (preferred by many people with external genitals)

3. Tie off at the waist

Fairly snug

Options

Add knots to put pressure on specific places

Don’t tie it off: hold the rope or tie to a hardpoint

  • Gives bottom ability to grind in pleasing ways

2.3    Dildo Harness

1:20 - 1:25

1. Why use a dildo harness?

If you don’t have a bio cock, obvs.
Here are some reasons Tornus has used a dildo:

  • My cock was too big to go somewhere
  • My cock was too small
  • My cock wasn’t hard
  • Poly rules around STI exposure
  • Wanted to fuck both holes at once
  • Pleasingly obnoxious to make someone suck a dildo

2. Procedure

  1. Tie a column tie around the waist, knot in back
    Pro tip: tie in front and rotate around to back
    Snugness is important for this one

  2. Through crotch up around waist line

  3. Spiral down to dildo height, add dildo
    Pro tip: put the condom on first!
    If you have a bio cock: maybe right above it
    If you don’t: maybe a little lower, nicely on the pubic mound

  4. Square knot underneath dildo

  5. Tie off one end in back

  6. Tie off other end

3. How do you move your hips?

Quick tips for people who aren’t used to having a cock

2.4    Washing Rope

1:25 - 1:30

1. Washing rope

Now that we’ve done all that sexy stuff, how’s our rope doing?

Especially if you’re doing sexy bondage, your rope will likely get dirty
Washing is probably more about grossness than disease
But grossness matters

Consider having a dedicated crotch rope for each person

2. What type of rope?

Jute is delicate: don’t wash it
Hemp washes well but will fade and needs extra work
Synthetic is the easiest to wash, usually colorfast

3. Washing process

Washing machine works best
Put it in a lingerie bag with a small amount of detergent
Expect hemp to bleed color

Drying

Hang rope to dry to avoid tangles & fire hazard

Synthetic is good to go once it’s dry

Hemp needs to be bone dry before storage
You’ll need to oil it to restore the suppleness and softness

  • Mineral oil won’t go rancid
  • Just a tiny bit: a dime-sized patch for 15'

2.5    Tension

1:30 - 1:35

1. What is tension?

Good tension is one of the most important bondage skills
We mean two things by tension:

  1. Tension on the body (how tight the tie is)
  2. Tension in the hand (how hard you pull as you tie)

2. Tension on the body

How tight is correct? Depends on the situation

  • Over ankles & wrists, very loose is often best
  • For pain play on calves, very tight is good

You should be able to tie well at a range of tensions

Even tension

Important that tension be even between wraps
Bottom: discuss why even tension is important

Technique for even tension with 2 wrap column tie:

  • Tie up to second reverse tension (through U, but don’t reverse)
  • Finger under all wraps, adjust second wrap to match first

3. Tension in the hand

How much tension should you have on the rope as you tie?
Depends on mood and how tight you want rope on body

Tension = connection
Maintain tension the whole time you’re tying
Maintain tension when untying as well

2.6    Pacing

1:35 - 1:40

1. Pacing

Pacing is an important part of how you build connection
Be intentional with your pacing

Slower pace can be more deliberate, sensual, and connective

Make slow, sensual movements and rope pulls
Take advantage of the sensation of rope dragging across the body
Pauses can be powerful

Faster pace can be more intense and controlling

Fast, intense pulls, especially when making a knot or friction
Keep your partner off balance

2. Variation is important

Pay attention to pacing in movies and music
Emotional intensity comes from varying the pace
Even frenetically fast action gets boring if it never stops

Create and break a rhythm for surprise or emphasis
Or you can create a rhythm: slow slow slow fast

3. Practice tying slowly, fast, and in between

Having a wide dynamic range gives you options

2.7    Pod

1:40 - 2:00

1. Core skills reminders

Tension

  • Get the right tension on the body
  • Even tension on all wraps
  • Maintain tension while tying and untying

Pacing

  • Be deliberate about pacing

2. We’re gonna do some crotch rope now

Not comfortable doing crotch rope in class?
That’s totally fine—work on the ladder futo

3. Basic crotch rope

  1. Single column around waist, tied in back
  2. Come between the legs, under waist rope
  3. Finish with a half hitch

Options: split around genitals or don’t
Options: add knots for pressure points

4. Dildo harness

Tension is critical in this tie.

  1. Column tie around waist, knot in back
  2. Between legs, go under waist rope but don’t tie off
  3. Sword hilt down center line, insert dildo
  4. Square knot under dildo
  5. Pass one line around hip, tie off to vertical line (hishi)
  6. Tie off the other line

5. Vibrator harness

Again: tension is critical here

  1. Overhand loop in rope (same length as vibrator head)
  2. Slip over head, secure with square knot
  3. Place the vibrator (controls in front)
    Go between legs, split ends, around hip, go through loop
  4. Reverse tension, go all the way around the waist
  5. Cross lines over each other, reverse tension
  6. Finish with a square knot

6. Single students

All of these techniques work well for singles

3.1    The Piledriver

2:00 - 2:10

1. About the piledriver

Simple position but can be a lot of fun
Good for penetration (very deep, which can be good or bad)
Good for vulnerable immobilization

2. Basic technique

Bottom lies on their back
Column tie the ankles together
Raise legs in air
This is fun but not very immobilizing

3. Variations

Let’s look at 3 variations with increasing degree of restraint
There are lots of options in the handout

Option 1: do more with the legs

Ladder up the legs
Spiral wrap technique on the legs

Option 2: tie it off

Legs: to headboard or hardpoint
Arms: to headboard or sides of bed

Option 3: bind the body to itself

We’re gonna use body mechanics to our advantage
This can be a really powerful technique

Tie forearms or wrists together behind knees
Can use bar tie if that’s better for your body

3.2    Intimacy and Connection

2:10 - 2:20

1. Intro

Let’s talk about creating and maintaining intimacy

  • Exactly what it looks like may be different for you than us

Intimacy goes both ways: top to bottom, bottom to top

2. Focus on the person, not the rope

Demo paying too much attention to the rope
Demo paying attention to the person
One of the biggest mistakes is paying too much attention to the rope

Do what you’d do if you were being intimate without rope

  • Eye contact
  • Touch
  • Intimate talk
  • Hair pulling

3. Creating connection as a bottom

Intimacy is a conversation: needs to be two ways
Give back energy as well as taking it in

Notice what your partner is doing
Visibly respond to it
Solicit what you like
Communicate via noise, touch, eye contact, leaning in to rope

4. Act with intention

At a micro level, be intentional about every movement
Speed and grace come from doing less, not doing faster

At a macro level, be intentional about headspace

  • Sexy? Safe? Surprising? Scary? Intrusive? Challenging? Exposing?

Everything should support your intended headspace

  • Position / tempo / tension / small motions

3.3    One Rope Exercise

2:20 - 2:30

1. What is the one rope exercise?

We’re going to do a very popular exercise
It’s a great way to practice subtle connection skills
A connective way to start tying time or a date to refocus on each other

One of the best riggers we know practices this five hours a week

  • Which is excessive, but gives you an idea how important it is

Basic exercise

Bottom holds the bight in front of chest
Rigger wraps the rope around them and unwraps it
Work on connection, pacing, intimacy, connection

2. Modifications

Focus on just one thing (clearing, intimacy, etc.)
Work on pacing. Deliberate and slow, then faster and more aggressive

Specific techniques

  • Standing vs sitting
  • Single column around one or both wrists
  • Use the spiral wrap + Munter technique
  • Wrap head/eyes
  • Move the upper body some, then the lower body
  • Put bottom into a ball and roll them around
  • Wrap, unwrap part way, rewrap

Bottoms - provide a lot of options

  • Keep arms limbs slightly extended but not rigid
  • Keep knees slightly bent

3.4    Pod

2:30 - 2:50

1. Reminder: work on intimacy and connection

Tops: focus on your partner, not the rope
Bottoms: be an active participant

2. Piledriver

Basic piledriver just involves tying the ankles together
Variations:

  • Tie forearms together behind knees
  • Ladder the legs together
  • Spiral futomomo technique on legs (or use a bar tie)
  • Tie ankles off to a hardpoint if appropriate
  • Tie off the hands
  • Add a chest harness connect to legs right above knees

3. One rope exercise

Focus on just one thing (clearing, intimacy, etc.)
Work on pacing. Deliberate and slow, then faster and more aggressive

Specific techniques

  • Standing vs sitting
  • Single column around one or both wrists
  • Use the spiral wrap + Munter technique
  • Wrap head/eyes
  • Move the upper body some, then the lower body
  • Put bottom into a ball and roll them around
  • Wrap, unwrap part way, rewrap

Bottoms - provide a lot of options

  • Keep arms limbs slightly extended but not rigid
  • Keep knees slightly bent

4. Single students

Work on all the rope handling and connection skills using a spiral futomomo

Learn the ladder-style futomomo

Review and practice open versus closed Munters

If flexibility permits, do one-rope exercise on legs

  • May be helpful to sit on chair, legs propped up on a second chair

Can also review and practice dildo and vibrator harnesses

4.1    Conclusion

2:50 - 2:55

1. Thank you for coming

We had a great time—we hope you did also.
What next?

2. About Full Circle Kink

We’re a professional, values-driven kink organization
We think kink should be super fun, and also super ethical
That goes double for kink instruction

We have tons of great stuff on our website

  • Upcoming classes
  • Free handouts
  • Detailed tutorials for this class and lots more

3. RopeInSeattle.com

Great place to find classes, parties, events

4. Our next class

What / when / where?
What’s it about?
What makes it cool?

5. Wrapping up

Individual instructors pimp their events & classes

Thank our hosts
Invite hosts to talk about themselves / their events

Go out in the world and have fun!

© COPYRIGHT 2018-2022 FULL CIRCLE KINK LLC
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© COPYRIGHT 2018-2022 FULL CIRCLE KINK LLC