Good consent is the most important kink skill. Unfortunately, most of us have learned bad consent practices from mainstream culture. As you begin exploring kink, we encourage you to level up your consent game.

Ask, don’t guess

You know the best way to find out if your partner wants to do something? Ask. Guessing what your partner wants is a high-risk practice that often ends badly.

Yes means yes

Obviously, no means no: if someone asks you not to do something, don’t do it. But that isn’t enough: the best way to ensure everyone has a good time is yes means yes. Only do things you and your partner have explicitly agreed you both want to do.

Leave them wanting more

Not sure whether to add something ambitious to today’s play? Ask yourself how you’d like your partner to feel about today’s session:

  • “That was great—can we do more next time?”
  • “I wish you hadn’t done that. Maybe there won’t be a next time.”

Impaired consent doesn’t count

Consent is only valid if it’s freely given by someone in their right mind: you can’t give valid consent under pressure, or when you’re drunk. By the same token, you can’t give valid consent when you’re in subspace.


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